that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Terrible idea I love it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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