She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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