last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
