it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
