I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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