You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Actions speak louder than pants.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
