You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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