i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
