ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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