He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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