I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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