Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
