I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
