And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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