My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
