I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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