Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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