I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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