so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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