and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
