Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
