It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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