Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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