She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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