i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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