first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
