I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
