you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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