I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Boobs speak an international language.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
