I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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