Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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