He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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