Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
