The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
