bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
