Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
