i would punch a child for taco bell
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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