omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
