I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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