8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who died my cat blue again?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
