I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
