If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
