We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
