I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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