why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
