Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
