im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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