even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
