I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
