Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
