I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
