I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
