he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
