He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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