Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
