Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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