I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
