dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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