I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
