I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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