found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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