Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
