His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
