I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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