11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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