Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city