dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
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I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists