I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead