I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
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The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."