I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.