Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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