it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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