Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
